Cloud, H. (2004). Nine things you simply must do to succeed in love and life: A psychologist probes the mystery of why some lives really work and others don’t. Brentwood, TN: Integrity Publishers.
Cloud points out nine things that we must do in this life if we want to have success in all areas of our lives. The 9 things are:
Principle 1:
Dig It Up! This chapter is about finding your passion, your dream. Find out what excites you and pursue it. He discusses the problems of doing this and how we pursue other people’s desire for us; especially if we are people pleasers.
Principle 2:
Pull The Tooth! This chapter suggests that successful people do not hang onto bad things for long. You have got to get rid of it. Our bodies do it naturally, but emotionally we just hang on, and it hurts us. Successful people act and get rid of the bad things right away.
Principle 3:
Play The Movie! Here is what Cloud says; “Anything you do is only a scene in a larger movie. To understand that action, you have to play it out all the way to the end of the movie.” This is just a reminder that the choices we make will have lasting effects. I totally agree with this chapter. This came naturally to me in my education. I can see a better life at the end with a master’s degree in my hand.
Principle 4:
Do Something! This chapter says that successful people ask “What can I do to make this situation better?”. They do not play the victim but do something to change the situation.
Principle 5:
Act Like An Ant! Successful people achieved their goals by taking tiny steps over time. Start doing a little bit at a time; don’t try to do it all today. But, if you do a little bit every day, good things start to add up. Every big project can be done the same way; do a little at a time, and eventually it gets done.
Principle 6:
Hate Well! Cloud explains it, “What we hate says a lot about who we are. Character is in part formed by what we hate, because we move to be different from whatever that is.” (p. 144). This chapter explains the difference between hating well and just hating.
Principle 7:
Don’t Play Fair! Strange title, but to be “fair” means that what you give is what you get. Good for good, bad for bad. The idea is that if we make a mistake, we don’t want people to get back at us, but help us get better and not make the mistake again. So, to not play fair means to give back better than you are given. It will stop any cycle.
Principle 8:
Be Humble! It simply means to not pretend to know more than we do and not needing to be more than you are. The willingness to say you have things to learn will help you learn those things as well as make those that work for you better as well.
Principle 9:
Upset the Right People! This principle is about not making decisions based on the fear of other people’s reactions. Cloud says that, “What you should do, and what someone’s response is going to be, are two very different issues.”
My Story
During the process of reading this book, I reflected on my current relationship I have been in for over two years. The principle that most resonates with me is number two: Pull the Tooth. It has had a lot of highs and lows. And, it seems when negative things happen they can outweigh the highs. Although I am always optimistic and hopeful, this principle made me question the relationship. I have had problems in my life of hanging on to things too long, and it has caused some problems for me in relationships. I guess I question it also on how long you hang on to a relationship that doesn’t seem to be getting better and has too many problems to deal with.
But, then I also think of how I make things better as principle three emphasizes learning from your mistakes and moving forward from them. I do this in a lot of areas in my life but there are some areas I question whether I hang on to relationships that are not good for me in hopes that we are able to work things out and grow from the issues. I have seen some growth, so I think in the end God wants us to resolve issues and, if it is His will, things will work out.
Another issue that I thought I might need to work on is being more humble. I think we can never be as humble as our role model Jesus Christ. I might come across as knowing it all to some people, when really I have so much to learn and should humble myself to everyone. I have been humbled through having a traumatic accident and being left disabled in this life that I lead now. Through my pain and suffering, good things have come as God promises.
Reflection
What bothers me about this book is they didn’t give examples that clarified the principles. I felt as though there were a lot of gray areas without being given specifics. I do, however, feel it is a very helpful book, gives great advice, and is simply written for anyone to understand.
I do understand the principle of acting like an ant and taking little steps to get things done towards accomplishing your goals. I feel my education has certainly been an ant process in accomplishing my goal of obtaining my master’s degree. Life in this term seems very simple and of common sense, with which I agree. This process takes a lot of patience, which is a very difficult trait to obtain in life especially in this day and age of instant gratification.
Another principle that I found to be insightful was the “Hate Well.” The title made me questions it’s meaning at first. But, once I read it, I realized how true it is to embrace hate as a tool to get rid of evil in our lives. “Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good” (Romans 12:9).
Cloud uses good examples to express his point of view and how he says they use the tools to make them successful. I was impressed with the use of Bible Scriptures to drive the point home and what better reference than God’s word. His message with the seventh principle was very revealing to me in the way it encourages us to go beyond being fair, go the extra mile to do more for others, and handle things without being a doormat. The usage of Scripture in this principle really emphasizes its importance by giving back better than you are given and you will receive great rewards from God.
Action
Through reading this book I have found myself consciously aware of my actions and how I may apply the principles. It will be a gradual process but if I can work on it like an ant, I will be able to apply the principles into my life. I can share this with others and, through the process of leading by example, have a huge impact in people’s lives.
By using hate in a positive way to get rid of evil and fight for what is good, I can be a warrior for Christ and his purpose. Through the process of being humble I can learn more and allow others to open up to me and establish lasting relations that can impact the masses. By upsetting the right people to push them out of their comfort zone and into resolving issues and making themselves and others better even though it may not be comfortable I will be making a difference.
Through the classes I have been taking in this degree program, I have been digging up things and recovering from issues that needed to be addressed. I am evolving through the process and the principles allow me see clearly the way to a successful future. I know that through this life I need to continue to challenge myself on all levels and surround myself with people that can and will expect the most from me.
I realize I need to work on getting rid of negative dynamics of things that don’t contribute anything good in my life and drain me of my energy. By asking myself how I can make things better or grow from the situation will help me to evolve and become stronger. I have been able to see how I can use the traumatic experience I have gone through that has paralyzed me for life and use it to help others going through similar struggles.
A key principle I need to incorporate into my lifestyle is playing the movie in every area of my life. I have a bad habit of being sarcastic at times without thinking what the results will be in my relationship and it usually creates a negative result. Through the process of me applying the principles in my own life I will be able to share with others how it is helping me to overcome some of my bad habits.
As a counselor to others I can reflect back on some of my own experiences and questions that Cloud used in dealing with others who have struggled in relationships. By explaining to them the importance of rising above and giving more than what is given will produce the best results in a relationship. It is difficult to do but in time can be done with practice. I see these principles useful in all areas of life and as a reminder of them I would be willing to create a poster of some kind as a reminder to my clients and myself to see in my office.
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